After reading Amber’s recent entry on having children, I couldn’t help but think about how much I want to have a baby of my own. As in this moment. I know that it’s not financially possible right now, but oh how I really do want to have a baby. Maybe it is just my biological clock ticking, but I seriously doubt it seeing as how I’m only 21 years old. I’m not ancient yet, people (although my boyfriend would disagree).

I was at work today on my break, sitting at the deli and just looking at people as they were shopping. I tend to do that sometimes. Anyway, I was getting ready to make my way back when I saw Peggy (a co-worker) holding the hand of a little boy. Peggy said that he was lost, but the boy seemed reluctant to tell her anything. I got down on my knees and asked him if he knew where his mommy was. He nodded yes, and he immediately took my hand. So we walked down the aisles looking for his mom, and he was still holding onto my hand tightly. At that moment, feeling his little hand squeezing mine softly, the feeling of wanting a child of my own just seemed to intensify. I see several of my co-workers that are around my age that are pregnant, and I want to know what that feels like. I know it sounds silly, but I want a big, fat belly, too.

There is this store in our local mall, and it’s called Motherhood Maternity. God, every time I pass that store my boyfriend has to drag me away. It has all these cute clothes for pregnant mommies and I just want to go in a buy some stuff, even though I know I’m not pregnant. I’m the same way whenever I see baby clothes or toys. I can just imagine my own baby wearing those cute outfits. I had to shop for a baby present for one of my co-workers a while back, and I just couldn’t tear myself away from the infant section. I looked at all the clothes and all the furniture and I just wanted to buy everything. I can’t wait until the day that I can actually go out and buy all that stuff for myself.

I think this is only going to get worse once I become a teacher. I’ll be teaching the five year olds, and I know it will make me want to have a baby even more. My boyfriend thinks that I might try and trick him into getting me pregnant one day, but he doesn’t need to worry about that. No matter how much I want a baby, I don’t want to get pregnant before I’m married. And even after we’re married, I want to make sure that we can at least support ourselves before we can support another little person. It’s hard to describe, but the feeling that I get whenever I think that one day he and I will have a little baby in our lives that we created, it just makes me warm and happy inside. That feeling is just indescribable, and I can’t wait for the day when baby makes three.

 Filed under: Random on February 27, 2007 | COMMENT