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My life has turned completely upside down this past weekend. Over the past year, the relationship that Rob and I had turned into something different. We would argue all the time, he would be angry all the time. The man that I fell in love with was slowly disappearing, taking my feelings along with it. Over time, I almost despised being around him because I would feel tense around him all the time. It felt as though I was walking on eggshells, because anything would set him off. He also became very controlling of me. I don’t know if it was because of what happened with both of our fathers, but he became a very jealous person. If I so much as looked at another guy (such as a co-worker), he would be all over me and another argument would ensue. I would always tell him that he had nothing to worry about, because the only person I would ever be interested in was him. But it was like talking to a tree, because it didn’t seem to register with him. He began to be self-conscious about himself, and always put himself down in front of me. No matter how many times I told him that I loved him and thought he was handsome, it was never enough. It got to the point where we got into a huge argument over the fact that I stayed with a girl from work while her ride came to pick her up one night after my shift had ended. Granted I know it was late, but I couldn’t just leave her waiting there in the dark parking lot on her own. He was upset that I hadn’t called him, although he knew I had forgotten my phone. He just wouldn’t let the fact go, and it was like he wanted me to tell him that I was secretly seeing another man and that’s why I had gotten home late from work. No matter how unhappy I was in the relationship though, I would never do that to him. After what my dad did to my mom, there is no way I could ever do something like that. That was on Thursday. Friday night, he came over to my house after my shift was over. As usual, we had nothing to say to each other and he became agitated. What ever happened to just being comfortable around each other without having to say anything at all? No, with him there has to be some kind of conversation, or else something is wrong. So that night, all my feelings came forth. It was a horrible night, one that I will never forget. That night, I broke everything off. The engagement, and our relationship altogether. I’ve had some time to think, but I’m still so confused. He had always promised me that he would change these little things about himself, but he would always fail. He’s made the same promises to me again, so long as I give him another chance. My heart is just torn apart, and I’m not sure what to do. There’s not many people I can turn to, seeing as how I never really had any friends ever since Rob and I started dating. I always felt that I couldn’t have any friends besides Janie and Eric. Although they’re great friends, it’s still pretty lonely without other people to talk to or hang out with. I never realized how alone I really was until all these problems surfaced, and I had no one to turn to. Sure I knew Janie, but she and I weren’t that close like we are now. I had no one to talk to while these things were going on. That was also another problem. I love him, and being with him was always great, but it came to the point where it seemed like he needed me every moment of every day. If I didn’t call him or text him early on in the day, he would get upset with me. If I didn’t call him as soon as I got out of work, he would also get upset. We saw each other every day, and he would get upset when we had nothing to do. We live in a small town, it’s not like there’s much to do around here anyway. I just think that it’s okay when couples don’t see each other every day, but he apparently didn’t agree. I think this all started with the incident concerning his father. It was very hard on me when my own father cheated on my mother, so I knew how hard it was when he went through the same thing with his parents. He began to change a lot, though. He began to be needy and controlling. He became jealous and possessive. The more he tried to keep tabs on me and keep me closer, the farther he pushed me away. It was as though he were waiting for me to do the same thing to him as well. And that would never happen, because I would rather die than stoop to the level my own father did. It’s been a tough weekend for me, and I know it’s probably been just as hard on him as well. I just don’t know what else to do. When you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, what can you do? I just feel so overwhelmed with everything that’s been going on in my life right now. Some good, some bad. These past few days have been tough, but it’s a whole different world when you’re not worried about getting in trouble for forgetting to do something. It’s been nice, in that aspect anyway. I just don’t know what to do yet. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And I’m doing it all alone.
Happy Easter everyone! So far, I’ve been doing nothing but playing video games and surfing the internet. Usually my family would be out at the park, barbecuing and whatnot, but we can’t seeing as how it’s about forty degrees outside and drizzling. On the bright side, I can now eat chocolate again. It was pretty hard at first, especially with that box of Tagalongs staring at me right in the face every day. :mad: Finally, I no longer have to turn people down when they offer me something with chocolate, hehe. Work has been great. I’ve been getting good hours every week and the people I work with are just fantastic. The managers have already spoken to me about training me to become a lead cashier (assistant manager position). I’m really looking forward to that. I think of the years I wasted working at my old store, and they never bothered to see my potential. They gave the job to someone that I feel isn’t able to do the job as well as I know that I could. I’m glad I transferred though. This store is just so much better. :grin:
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AboutWelcome to hikari-chan.org! You've stumbled upon the weblog of a 23-year old latina. She is a newly wed, a lover of books, and a recent education graduate. She will mold the minds of young children, in hopes that they do not turn out like our dear President Bush.Flickr      Now ReadingDaily Links |
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This is the first time ever that it’s freezing outside on Easter Sunday. It’s already spring, for crying out loud! Here in southern Texas, where it gets so hot that the bottom of your shoe starts to melt with the pavement, this is entirely unheard of. 